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Good day to all...now, what are you doing here? Hmm? Are you asking for a hand-out? I most certainly will not! Be gone with you, and take that THING with you! I've never been more insulted in my life. I should throw something at you...what should it be... hmm, just...uh, could you just stay there in range while I find something... hmm, not sharp enough... OH! The hamster could suffice... oh wait, she's sleeping, she IS rather fat though... ah yes, what was that? Oh really? I've missed the point entirely? Oh, right... about me? Now why would ANYONE want to know someone like me? Eh? THERE! You see the cause of my antipathy towards you... What? Now don't get any ideas, I most certainly have not said anything about my nature--that being pointless sesquipedalian ramblings... after all, my life is not interesting and so I must make things up for it to be... I remember back in the year eighteen-dickety-six back in Mother Russia--a land of assiduous peasants and stout women who showed the holy potato the reverance it truly deserved. I was but a humble page back then, and wandering in amongst the castle halls I would now and again stumble upon some secret meeting between the Czar (or Tsar, depends which you prefer) and his HAND maidens, *ahem* who would often accompany him about the rooms. "Mamastoyaska," he said. "Please, we must arrange this assassination before the moon of Iouri." "Pray," one answered in most humble tones. "Don't speak of such, even if not ill for me... you know of my true devotion." The other hand maidens then turned away with a shocked sigh, I listened closer and soon realized the plot... however, at that moment I tripped over a small radish in the hall. Anyways, to make an already long story much shorter than it would be, I was banished from Mama Russia and sent to the far off land of Canada, *sigh*. Wait, where'd you go? Come back... now I'm lonely...

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